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Post by Tregarde on Jun 27, 2006 15:01:00 GMT -5
To say the past several days has had it's ups and downs would not be an exaggeration. Jess' return has been a dream come true, even through the way she was brought back was a terrible atrocity. We can not change what happened, all we can do is move on. Still, having her back makes us feel... complete.
Kaelir escaped from the Temple to try to save her daughter, but was too late. I wish we could have had a chance to at least attempt what she had planned. Maybe it would have worked, maybe not. But now she feels she can not trust us, that we only want to lock her up. For a short time it looked like she would return, till she ran off again. She needs help. Despite what she's done, she's still a sister to my heart, and I will not give up on her.
One bright spot has been the interest people have been showing in the Guard. We've admitted two new recruits - Mehrunes is a mage from the Ivory Tower. He wishes to learn more about the magic our people use, and to try and learn the abilities that Kaelir has. I don’t know if what she can do can be learned, but it’s a moot point while she’s on the run. Rayeena, a light elf I met and have spent some time talking to. In some ways she reminds me of myself when I first started traveling the lands, when I still had a much lower view on those not of my race. But she seems to have readily accepted the truth about the origins of all elven peoples and finds her heart closer to Shilen than Eva. Rakkayta has been quite something, they way we play off each other when joking around I fear may lead to much trouble in the future. The only thing that may cause problems is that she seems to have developed an infatuation for me. I hope she gets over it soon, so far I've really enjoyed her company and I'd hate to see something like that get in the way of our friendship, like it has with Gel.
Poor Gel. I wish there was something I could do for her. I am overjoyed to have her in the Guard, but it's clear that it's not as much joy for her, having me so close and yet unattainable. She's trying, including drinking a lot less these days. No matter what else, she's still my best friend - not a title I give out easily. I hope she can find someone who can give her the happiness she deserves.
I’ve been getting to know Sylphy and Mynx quite well, and even Sinn a bit. I can see why they have such a large ‘family’, and I am glad to be a part of it. Mynx has even joked about trying to plot it all out, but ran out of paper. I really need to get Risa to spend more time with them, they miss her, and I’d love for them to meet Jess. Sylph and Sinn have been troubled a lot lately, with loved ones leaving, and both of them care so much about others that it gets to them when their loved ones have troubles of their own. Quite coincidentally (if there even is such a thing as coincidence), Rakka met Sinn last night, and she’s offered to help teach us better combat tactics. Maybe I’ll wind up with another ‘sister’ in time.
Makora has died, killed by Silver Stryfe for reasons yet unknown. I never got to know him that well, but he was a loyal, honourable man. Gel was closer to him and I know this is a hard blow to her. I have no idea how Czenzi is going to take this. She admires her brother. At least, the child like Zen does, I don’t know how the more adult side of her feels. She’s not unlike how Jess/Christy used to be. I hope we can find a way to help her cope. Just what are we going to do with her?
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Post by Tregarde on Jul 10, 2006 15:20:27 GMT -5
Yet another time of ups and downs. I wish we could have just a little time of quiet, but that does not seem meant to be.
Something happened to Kae. It seems she ran off to be with Raevellin, who has become some sort of demon. Somehow he has apparently blocked her memories of her past. I don’t know if this is a bad thing or not – she has suffered much over her years, but is hiding from her past the best way to deal with it? Raevellin disappeared, and we were able to bring her back with us, but it’s clear she doesn’t trust us yet. She and Rakka seemed to have become fond of each other, but I believe on Kae’s part it is simply her reaching out for someone, anyone, to fill the void that Raevellin left. Unfortunately, Kae seems to have run off again. I fear that Rakka was pushing too hard, trying to make Kae face herself.
Rakka needs to learn patience, and that sometimes you need to wait for when the other person is ready – a lesion that I had to learn. She charges into just about everything and wants results immediately. But she does have a good mind for tactics, and I can see her becoming a troop leader someday. I do wonder about her heart though, she doesn’t open up easily about her past and what little she has said tells me there is much pain. She is clearly upset that Kae left, and yet not a day later she is already flirting with me. I wonder if she even knows what she wants. Maybe that little prank on her will teach her something, but probably not. Still, I wonder if leaving her alone with Gel was the best idea. I have got to find out what she did to the poor girl.
G’eldriia… it’s hard to know where to begin. She felt she had to undergo the Jous d’ Ssran. When I saw the picture that Czenzi had drawn I rushed to the Temple, afraid I’d be too late. But Gel was fine, and it’s now clear that Czen can see events before they happen. When Gel told me what she was doing and asked me to be her Ptaru’nga, how could I not accept? I’ve always been there for her, and there was a real chance that she was living her last hours in this world. I wish I could tell about the ceremony, but it was a sacred ritual and we had to swear not to discuss it except in the most general terms. I hate keeping anything from Risa and Jess, but I will not break a vow made to Shilen. Still, it was a very moving experience, one I am glad I was able to partake in. That Gel made it through shows she is indeed worthy. It also brought us closer, and I believe that we resolved a few things. At least, as yesterday showed, the tension that was there for so long seems to be gone. It’s nice having my best friend back. I doubt things will ever be as they were before, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing – they might be better now.
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Post by Tregarde on Jul 17, 2006 14:53:07 GMT -5
Much as I try, I find it difficult to understand what happened. Somehow Esmera was able to see what Gel went through during the Jous s’ Ssran. Or, at least some of it – she says she was able to feel the blade when Gel received her scarring, and when she plunged the dagger into herself. Gel says that sometimes family could see what happened, but she and Es called each other ‘sister’, they are not related by blood.
But what distresses me is Es’ reaction. I’ve never seen her so mad before, never seen hatred in her before. I know she wasn’t raised among our people, but I thought by now she’d understand us better. Instead she called what Gel went through an insult to life and death – even though it was Shilen who deemed Gel worthy of being returned. And she was mad at me for supporting Gel through it.
I don’t know what to do. Es has been one of my closest, dearest friends. And while she insulted and disrespected what we did, and what we believe in, I can not find it in myself to hate her. But how can I even try to patch things when I’m one of the last people in the world she wants to see? I can remember a time when if this happened I would have been pissed and turned my back on her and never bothered to say another word to her again. Have I really changed so much?
Somehow Makora has returned. He seems unchanged, it’s as if he was simply on a vacation for a week and a half. He doesn’t seem to know how or why he’s back, only that he remembers a voice telling him to live, then waking up naked on a beach near Heine. It’s good to have him back.
Rakka continues to make life interesting in her ways. She can be extremely fun to be around, and we have had some good times. But it’s hard to know what is going through her head sometimes. She seems to be slowly opening up, and I think I’m finally starting to figure out why her heart seems to go in so many directions. But I have no idea why she refused help yesterday – she would have bled to death form that gash in her leg, and nearly did. If Makora and I weren’t there…
What happened to her? How did that gash get there? I know that Kae has returned, and that she returned to the home she got with Rakka – did Kae have anything to do with it?
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Makora
Guard Member 
Executioner
I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? Please, continue.
Posts: 397
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Post by Makora on Jul 18, 2006 2:11:03 GMT -5
((It's funny because I really was on vacation when I was dead...please continue))
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Post by Tregarde on Jul 31, 2006 15:00:38 GMT -5
“It doesn’t matter what colour your skin is.” When I first ventured out of our homelands I would never have thought I’d say such words. And yet, I have, and I meant them. So much has happened in these months. If I had known then what I know now…
I don’t know what happened to Esmera. How can a Dark Elf be changed into a Light Elf? When I last her Hiene she was so full of anger, hatred. And now, it’s like such feelings are completely unknown to her. I can’t deny that there is a part of me that is somewhat appalled, but it is such a tiny part of me now. When I see the way she smiles and laughs now, I have to wonder – is it a bad thing? Did Eva grant her a favour? Would it be better if she stayed this way? Despite the change her heart is still Esmera. I hope that Della can see that soon, Es needs her.
And Kae, I fear she is getting worse. She seems to grow more unstable and unpredictable. Losing her memory may have suppressed the feelings of guilt and loss she had over her past, but it did nothing to stop the cause of her problems. I don’t know what Kirindel did to her – do those ears help her at all? What did it do for him? I wish I knew what to do.
On a brighter note, Korjel has applied to join the Guard. He’s expressed interest in our research and wants to help. I guess I intrigued my cousin’s interest when we talked when I visited home. I think it would be good for Jess to have someone to help her out, maybe she could relax a little. Maybe we’ll get lucky and hell find a way to help Kae.
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Post by Tregarde on Aug 11, 2006 15:31:23 GMT -5
Tossing-
Turning-
Unable to sleep-
She knew she needed rest, but try as she might she could not keep her eyes closed - could not keep the tears, the worries away. Alone, in the bed large enough for three. Without their warmth, their comfort. On occasion the bed held only two, but never for long, it was never meant for only one.
Tregarde rolled onto her side, stared at the window. Risa, and now Jess... they had to be out there, somewhere. They HAD to be. If they weren't...
No! Don't think like that! But as acting commander of the Abyssal Guard she had to consider all possibilities.
She glanced at the journal she kept. She had read it over, and was amazed at what wasn't in there. The first time she and Risa were together, one night after the Wishing Well, just two people who needed to relax a bit after a stressful week. But... they had known each other only a couple weeks, and already they felt it, knew that there was something special about the other. The way they kept just meeting at the oddest places, it couldn't have been mere coincidence. Then the day when they watched the sun set from the Gludin harbor, talking, opening up their hearts to each other... eventually watching the sun rise, arms around each other, after a night of... love making? Looking back on it much later, they both agreed that it was that night that they had truly started to fall for each other.
She understood why she didn’t write in her journal for some time after joining Echoes of Darkness. If it had been found and read, it could have caused problems for both of them. Still, she remembered the teary day when they agreed they had to keep their relationship a secret. She remembered after a siege, covered in bruises and bandages, when they could no longer hold it back and confessed their love for each other.
It was too much. To be without Risa and Jess, not knowing if they were dead, or worse, was too much. She couldn’t carry on the Guard alone. SHE couldn’t carry on alone. Tears flowing from her eyes, she crawled out from the cold, empty bed, slipped on a silken robe and left the room. Just down the hallway was the one person she knew she could count on. From under the door she saw a flickering light, which meant she was awake. Tre knocked on the door lightly with a trembling hand.
“Yes?” came a soft voice from within. With a quaver in her voice Tregarde replied, “Gel… ?” The door opened to show a concerned face, which grew even more concerned as she saw Tregarde, eyes rimmed with tears and hair a mess. Gel asked if she was alright to which she replied truthfully, “No.”
Gel took her hand and led her inside. They talked, she cried, and eventually they laid down on her bed. Through the robe and Gel’s night-shirt Tregarde could feel her warmth, could feel Gel’s arm wrapped around her, and it provided some comfort, enough so she could finally sleep after some fits of quiet weeping.
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Post by Tregarde on Nov 2, 2006 19:56:21 GMT -5
*Tregarde ran her fingers over the cover of her journal. She opened the cover and absently flipped through the pages. Random words and phrases caught her eye. She didn’t need to read the pages, she already knew what was on them. Near the end she came to the few remaining blank pages. She stared at the emptiness for a time before reaching for the quill*
It’s been months since I last wrote in here. So much has changed. But, that seems to be the one theme in this journal, in my life, isn’t it? Change. I hardly know where to begin. I guess where I left would make the most since.
We managed to find Risa. Somehow her teleport from Gludio to Dion was intercepted and redirected. With the help of the mages at the Ivory Tower we were able to pick up the trail near Oren, and followed to a ruined church. Scattered around were the remains of a company of the Black Lions. Inside the church we found a room, the room where Risa had been kept. A note nearby clearly implied that the reason for her capture had been to try and turn her. We then followed a trail from the church to Oren, and one of Olo’s residences. Risa was within, starved from her ordeal, but intact.
I know Olo was the cause of it all. She covers her tracks well, but I’ve seen far too much, heard far too much, to believe her story about having some ‘vision’ and following it to rescue Risa. No, Olo staged it all in order to weaken Risa’s defenses, so she could subvert Risa, the ‘rescue’ was to make Olo look like a saviour. Unfortunately, it worked, too well.
I never understood why Risa seemed so trusting towards Olo even before this. She knew how Olo’s name keeps popping up with so many horrible incidents. She was there when the Templars raided Olo’s house in Heine and found the demonic mirror. She’s heard the same first hand accounts from when Tay was nearly sacrificed, and from the two times she used Kae. She knows what little I learned when I was in Echoes, and how much more we learned from Jess when she was practically Olo’s protégé. How could she doubt Jess and I, the two people in the world who loved her the most, whom she loved the most?
Gods, I miss Jess. If she had been here, maybe we could have found Risa sooner, or even if we couldn’t, maybe with her here together we could have reversed what Olo had done. But Jess is gone. At least I know she’s passed on to Shilen’s embrace and is waiting. Risa is still alive, but in many ways is just as much gone. At first it was subtle, but as time went on it was clear that Risa had changed. Instead of getting better, things became worse. Discussions became arguments. Then the order came down to disband the Guard. It just pushed things too far. Shilen forgive me, but even I can only take so much.
It wasn’t supposed to end that way. Risa and I were to get married, to spend the rest of our lives together. The time when I met her father and she introduced me as her ‘betrothed’ filled me with… I can’t put into words how good, how right it felt.
*Tregarde took a moment to wipe her eyes before continuing*
It was over. The Guard, Risa, all of it. I was lost, wandering the world aimlessly. The only comfort was Mojito, my friend for almost two decades. She left everything she knew to escape her oppressive father and an arranged marriage to a man she knew she could never love. What a fine pair we made – two people filled with loss. Then she confessed that she loved me, had loved almost since we met. But it just wasn’t meant to be. As much as I care for her, that spark just isn’t there for me.
What is it about me? Why do so many fall for me? Mojito, my closest friend for years. Kirisa, who opened my heart. Taliasic, the Oracle who left after realizing she had developed feelings for me. Hyati, who also left. Christana, somehow I melted that wall inside her so her true heart, Jess, could return. Korshka I suspect, but was never able to confirm. Esmera, if there is any who deserves love it is her. Rakkayta, rebellious, impatient, impulsive, and yet also loyal and curious. Sylph, such a flirt, though I suspect much if it was looking for comfort since her love was leaving. G’eldriia, my best friend… and more.
*She paused, looking at the last name she wrote. They had written to each other a few times over the past months. She knew Gel was there, waiting, would welcome her gladly. But she hadn’t been able to bring herself to visit the divine warrior. She couldn’t bring all the pain she felt to her friend, who had already been through so much*
Somehow despite all this I couldn’t stay away from the Wishing Well. I guess I needed at least one thing that was constant, familiar, some place I could for a little while put everything aside. The last thing I expected was to meet Rainleaf. Even that first day we met I could tell there was something in those sparkling eyes. And she sang the most beautiful song, only later would she tell me that she had sung it for me.
It’s almost funny. The person who had started writing in this journal would never have believed she could feel so strongly towards a Light Elf. But that person has changed so much over the past couple years. And now I find myself irresistibly drawn to one. She fills me with light where once there was darkness. She brings to me joy where once there was only pain. She is so sweet, so innocent. I can’t help but want to hold her, protect her… even love her.
*Tregarde set the quill aside to look over to the sleeping form next to her. The pale skin, the cascade of blonde hair, the faint smile on those lips which widened slightly as she reached over to brush the smooth cheek*
So now here I am. Zaphne was overjoyed when I asked her if there was a place in Anarchy Reborn for a blade dancer. Though I must confess that Rain was a large part in my choosing to join the clan. It’s good to have a ‘home’ once again. I’ve been spending most of my time helping some of the less experienced members. I think I also need a place that isn’t involved in the politics of the land, at least for a while. Maybe someday I’ll return to that, perhaps pick up the pieces of the Guard and start over, but not now. For now I’ll just hold onto what I have.
* * *
Tales of a Dark Elf shall continue only in the thread on L2RPA.
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